Today I woke up with something on my mind that has been bothering me for some time, the realization that I have been like a bartender or Uber driver over the past 16 years of my incarceration. I am always willing to listen to friends, family, inmates, at-risk teens, and people who need to talk. I have been that way my whole life, I’m just more mature and educated now. I stand by the advice I give, there is nothing that I can’t listen to, and I help problem-solve or give guidance wherever I can. Being a mentor and life coach, I get overwhelmed sometimes with the obstacles everyone that I attempt to help is facing.
I want people that I mentor to understand that when we were born our baby brains were full of potential and ready to start learning right away, but we grew into multifaceted adults with no clear purpose. Our personalities have changed and adapted to our families, friends, and mates.
For example, if you’re in a relationship with an alcoholic then, consciously or unconsciously, you alter your personality to fit his or her, depending on if they are drunk or not. You will alter your mindset and behavior for a workaholic, so their schedule is unaffected. If you have a partner who is a homebody and is happy to flop down on the sofa watching TV when they come home from work, you will fight your natural reaction to scream “dammit let’s do something other than stay at home, you’re boring!”.
These examples show that most people in those situations will NEVER FULLY DEVELOP their true self.
Now let’s flip this to where you are overflowing with enthusiasm for everything that you do and have no fear of trying new things. You express all your feelings, give and receive love unconditionally without any pretense. Your self-esteem and attitude are positive which helps you attack new projects with effort and enthusiasm. There once was a time when you and everyone were like that – when you were a toddler! Many toddlers, including you, inherently have these personality characteristics.
So, the million-dollar question is “what the hell happened to you, and why are you still not like that?”. Well, your parents, family and friends, neighbors, schools you attended, boyfriends/girlfriends, and all the other people that you have encountered in your life have influenced you. As a result, you were not able to fully discover your true self. A toddler is not afraid to be who he/she is, but adults are.
Since childhood, you have been trained to adjust your personality to other people, and when you sit back and think about that, it’s sad. Look at it this way. All 7 billion people on this earth have a unique fingerprint and you are as are unique in your personality as your fingerprint.
Start to listen to your inner voice and your inner toddler. Embrace what will fulfill and make you happy! Take steps to improve your life by figuring out what you want. GO FIND IT! STOP BULLSHITTING YOURSELF AND WASTING TIME. Get out of your comfort zone and start living, because we only live once!